Archives: A Winless Battle

I want to take all back
I want to start it all over
Please cut me some slack
Letting love take over
I can't think straight
The night's getting late
Sooner or later..
But later's much too late.
Wondering when our sun will come up to start our new day
Wondering if a son will come up
Like we always would conversate
But as usual I fucked it up
Like always, I'm doing to much
All that I can give at the moment
Is never enough
It hurts... Like being pierced
Through the chest with a pole
I could hear your tears falling
Almost threw my phone
I don't know why things haven't
Been going our way, but ur not alone
It hurts me too, I cry too, sometimes
I feel like dying boo, so if you did too
We could spend our lives together
Up above the weather
Never worrying ever whether or not
Who loves who better cuz we'd finally
Be together. That's all I ever wanted
For you to have that title
"I'm just using these chicks to prepare for you" but now I can't end the cycle
I can't undo easily what's already been done
I just seem to be fighting to be with you in a battle that can't be won...

Guess We Can't Be Friends...

I Hate This
This feeling that I can't shake, It's
Defeat in its most repulsive form yet
This Defeat was long overdue, debt
Bet if I had dropped the world for you
In a timely fashion, and showed my love for you
I wouldn't be feeling this pain of a thousand swords
Piercing my soul one-by-one to the core
All this time you have loved me so,
with a passion unlike one I've ever known
and now that I'm ready
Mind right, lifestyle going steady
You take it all back, like I re-nigged in spades
Now I'm the only one playing charades
Posing as the good friend
who was there before the rain
and still there when the sun rose again
But I can't show my love.
And like the taste of a cloud, the world won't know my love
No matter how hard I hide them and shun them
The feelings won't go, my love
If for once I could grow my love
I bury my emotions, but your voice melts my heart
sending it dripping down to their grave causing it to start
growing and evolving so that by the second word you've uttered
I'm ready to marry you all over again
And the routine goes on and on, over and over again...
And Today, like all the other days, I'm putting it to an end...
All so it can Begin Again... Guess we can't be friends...

Dream Seller

Instead of Dime bags for 20bucks

Instead of Bean Pies in my fresh Tux

Instead of Hot n Ready’s from lil C’s

I, of all things, sell dreams

Not Dreams that you sleep on

Or Dreams as in goals you can bank on

Or those blank stare moments your boredom feeds on

But, in the end, I sell Dreams

The Dreams I sell are Dreams of Love

That Endless Love

That Love that India.Arie was ready for type Love

Dreams that make you think I was your Knigh

tIn shining armor, riding through the night

On my valiant steed to climb up weeds

And sit upon your window sill to serenade you

Until you’re sleep for me to tuck you in and leave

But being the me that bleeds, i.e. the Real Me

Your emotions are on what I feed

Bored of commitment I go off

In search of hearts to feed off

Yet I don’t cheat

And each relationship is a planned repeat

Always made to end like a travesty

But I knew all along, you wouldn’t last

Just another love song, lost in the shuffle…

Journey of Dreams

On the road again, wouldn't you know it?
I'm going through things, yet don't even show it
Write out my feelings, emotional poet
Yet the pen hits paper, and I can't even slow it
Up, You become the topic
I smile, Stop it
Oddly enough, I'm always doing this stuff
Thinking of you when times get rough
Wishing our hearts would Harmonize but...
Unfortunately, I don't see you enough
But that's alright, something you didn't know
I never go to sleep alone
Well... Physically Yes, but mentally/emotionally No.
I dream of things that only hopeless romantics would show
And by show, I mean Display
like us counting clouds as we lay
Me on the Grass and you on my Chest
Playfully joking on who's kisses are the best
Sometimes we walk on the beach for a midnight stroll
or even share a "Love It" bowl at Cold Stone
Then I wake up, as the Sun frequently forces me to
And I continue my journey, wishing I could share it with you...

Feelings

I'm not very good at expressing my feelings, but if I was...
I would tell you about how I wish I was your favorite hoodie
So that every time you were cold, I could hold you close and keep you warm
but I'm not good at expressing my feelings...
I'm not very good at expressing my feelings, but if I was...
I would tell you how much I wish I was your favorite song
So that every time you heard me on the radio, you'd close your eyes, bite your lip
move those lips slow with that "This my Jam" face and hope I was on repeat...
but I'm not good at expressing my feelings...
I'm not very good at expressing my feelings, but if I was...
I would tell you that I wanted to be your favorite food
so that you would crave my taste, and once I fulfilled your every need
You would have a satisfied feeling in your core, get the "itis" and fall right asleep
but I'm not good at it tho...
What we have reminds me of learning to ride a bike
The first days we were a little shaky, trying to get used to it all
Once the going was good, we were rolling
then we hit a bump in the road and we crashed down hard...
Skinned our knee and winced in pain like Peter Griffin
Now we show our true colors
Will we stick together and give it another shot
or will we bicker and argue with each other?
With you I always felt a sense of care that no matter what I did
whether endangering my life driving too fast while the rain's amidst
or anything else that would bring me uncomfortably close to death's grip
You would still be there waiting with a warm hug and a Kiss
And In the blink of an eye, maybe the snap of a finger
I found away to dismantle us and no more would you linger
No calls, no texts, not even a mentioned tweet
Hopefully I didn't earn a distasteful subtweet, bittersweet
I try to sleep, but its hard when I can't hear from you first
I hate how our relationship took a turn for the worse
Wondering "Can We Fix It?" like Bob the Builder
But I can't do it by myself, wont you reconsider?

Sitting In My Chair...

As I sit and reflect in a lazyboy on my past, careless lifestyle
breezing through baby chickens but never using lifestyles
Trust, I wrapped up, top hat on my planters
but in the mist of my thoughts I was distracted by a bystander
And by My standards she had Surely surpassed her
peers yet I couldn't find the energy to stand up
Closed my eyes tight to attempt at mustering it
when I thought I opened them, she stood before me lusting this
very author whose story you're intrigued by
Please believe, I was intrigued too, lil Momma was TOO fly
Slowly stooping to my level, placing her knees outside my thighs
so she could balance on the chair while I caressed her behind
In due time, our minds were entwined
yet only through a kiss, her sweet soft lips
as my hands moved up and down her frame as if she was a bowl
on my pottery wheel and I was molding her soul
Losing control of our clothes until a breeze hit me cold
And a crashing noise came from the front door she closed
I finally opened eyes and noticed she wasn't there anymore
and I was still in my chair,lonely, lusting for more...

Without...

With all the money in the world, I could give you anything
And with all that money, you could Be anything
But all the fame and gifts wouldn't mean anything
Without the love of the one person who means Everything
You wouldn't smile at your Million dollar wedding ring
Or experience the love that each new day would bring
Or be satisfied with finally living out your dreams
Without sharing that joy with someone who is your Everything
What's a car when it has no Motor?
What's a bike without a chain?
 How do you retrieve a puppy from traffic
When its deaf to any audible name?
If I had it to give, the world would be yours to claim
No use in giving YOU my heart, if I know you wont love ME just the same...

The Ups and Downs...

I can't stand it...
One day we're cool the next we're back at it...
Its sad, how we claim we love each other so much
Yet we fall so hard when we argue and cuss
Why?!
Honestly this time I really sat and cried
And with each tear, a section of my heart died
Withered away and fell like the pedal of a rose
As each stubborn drop strolled along side my nose
I look to you for my strength and happiness
When all goes wrong, you're my smile, when I'm crabbiest
This time all you did was fuel the fire
Like I'm the pile of sticks, you helped spark the lighter
or at least cupped your hands to hide the flame from the wind
Either way you helped me do the opposite of win...
Knowing that I have trouble living right when I'm at home
Knowing that I hate having to leave you there alone
The Love I expected to embrace me with a hug
Ended up beating and mugging me like a thug...
But it's cool, Guess its all a growth process...
We'll be good tomorrow just so we can restart this mess...

Random Splurge of Love

If you were ever to get pregnant...
Not saying that it wouldn't happen, because it would..
Wait I don't mean that like Ima just knock you up..
I mean... look let's start over...
I love you.
I will never leave you
Even if it meant I could date Beyoncé
I'd rather have you as a Fiancée
Even if I could cross the Spanish sands with Rihanna
I'd rather have my children call you mama
I just can't imagine how life would be without you
Without our first kiss, tasting love in sweet bliss
Without seeing you nervous and in wonder
the first time I met your mother
Without catching that slight grin
when I kissed your cheek and gently touched your chin
The love that you love me with is immeasurably unmatched
By anything else in this world, now in a Snatch
Imagine me gone... You wake up and I am no more
You search through your phone and rack through that brain of yours
but you can't find a number, or text of proof to what we were
all you have left is a hoodie, maybe even a t-shirt
You couldn't take it... Neither could I
So as I gaze into the star-filled, navy skies at night
I reminisce on causing and witnessing that smile that was so bright
or that touch of your hand on my back when the feeling was just right
I can't walk out on that ever...
So don't make me...
No matter how much we may fuss or fight
or disagree, I'll never take flight
Im not that type of guy
You know that right
I'm just saying this because we're grown
we do grown things that we should really wait to do
So if the unthinkable happens, and we made someone new
Just know, no matter how Hard it gets... I will NEVER walk out on you...

9/9/09

I remember it All... Well you know my memory
I remember everything like flashes of time instead of conversations
But the fact of the Matter is that It Gets Remembered...
Like the Day We Met, John Merrit Classic 2008
I never knew from that day on my life would be so great
After that we met again,
Greek Picnic, Saw you with your friends
Thats when I got your number
Stepping stones to becoming lovers
I met up with you that same night
Talked 'til 5am, boy what a night
From then on we were "Best Freakin Friends"
BFF's through thick and thin...
Always knew we were made for more
But never knew what was in store
Finally we set aside our pasts
And planned on How to make our Future Last
After a Year of getting to know each other
We decided to take it a few steps further
In William Jasper Hale room 523
9/9/09 was that day for you and me
We exchanged hearts, I took mine off my sleeve
For you, I'd give the world
Because that's what you are and that's what you mean
I just can't stop loving you
And I don't mind it one bit ^_^
One Whole Year, so glad we didnt Quit
Only bad part is that we're so far apart
And we've been Siamese close from the start
But our love is strong since its straight from the heart
Cant wait til we're in each others arms and I feel your beating heart
I'll sum up how I feel with this single phrase:
I love waking up feeling like I fell in love for the first time, Every Day...

Happy One Year Anniversary to Portia Faye Finney & Tommy Justin Bell

It Won't Be Long...

I make it to my bedroom and fall to my knees
Same routine every night, baby this is how it seems
Just throwing words up to God, like compliments to a deaf man
I'm on target, but I guess he don't hear 'em and
I'm living everyday with Hopes of making it back to you
My boys too, but you The Motivation boo
Keep me going through and through
Sometimes I get too down
Then I gotta force myself to get up off the ground
And I keep on trudging through the meanest of the storms
I close my eyes and there you are, hold me til I'm warm
I swear it wont be long, I'm doing all I can
Making every move needed to become a better man
Tryna make it up out of here and back to where we need to be
Yea, you down to ride so I know you wont be leaving me
Anytime soon at least
That's definitely not what I need
If there's no we, It's like controllers with no Wii
I'm waving my arms at nothing but a blank TV
You're the beat to my Heart
The Sky to my stars
You put a twinkle in my Eyes and My Smile from the start
It hurts now because I'm So Far Gone...
But I get on one knee and Promise You now that It Won't Be Long...

My Motivation

All For Nothing...

First day of class, Yea I'm up here early
Bird's tryna get that worm, Believe that Homie
Chillin in the second row, Smart with Swag
And then you walked in, I damn near gasped...
Popped a Squat in desk next to mine
Couldn't see it in my face, but I almost lost my Mind
Girl you so damn FINE, I bet even ya Momma a Dime
Got me unfocused on class and tryna get with that...
"Class" the teacher chimes in...
"Write your name on the Sheet, then you may begin"
I was doin' my thang, til again you caught my eye
Leanin over your work and a strand of hair fell to your eye
My eyes sank to your feet as I encased your outfit
So smooth, your curves nearly made some slob drip
And before I even knew it you matched my stare
then your Angelic hand brushed back your hair
My stunned lips fumbled an inaudible "Hello"
As you read my lips, you ignored it, my heart fell to the floor
We finished our work, then class was ended
I tried to find a band-aid for my pride, but it couldn't be mended
There's always next class, I can try again...
But in my heart I knew, I probably wasn't even cool enough to be your friend...

The Birth of The Love Song

In the studio coolin
Alone, only light is that of a distant lamp
The beat is on repeat, yet I still can't figure out where I want to take it...
Slow tempo, deep bass, dainty treble
The harmony of the Jill Scott samples sending me into a deep cruise control...
I close my eyes and float into a safe haven unbeknown to the rest of the world...
There, only You and I exist
Twice the passion shared within each kiss
I whisper softly in your ear everything about you that I missed...
I clap my hands and A car appears...
I let you in the passenger and slide into the driver...
It begins to rain, as we tilt back our seats and gaze at the glass ceiling...
The pitter patter of the rain against the windshield soothes our overworked souls
I slowly reach over and caress your hand as you match my stare and smile back
The rain slows to a stop and the Moon peers through the remaining clouds
I help you out the car as you join me on a midnight walk
Barefoot we wander, hand in hand, across the beautiful beaches of Spain
I let her hand loose to watch her smile, dance, and frolic in the incoming tide...
A slight earthquake or murmur of the earth beneath me and I jolt out of the daze
A text from my love with merely a smiley followed by "I Love You" illuminates the area...
A smile creeps across my face as I grab my pen and pad... Thus beginning my love song...

Distant Lover

Distant Lover Distant Lover

Feels like Phone Tag

So we missin one another

No love could trump

What we feel for each other

Inseparable together AND can't nobody touch us

It's like a toddler reaching up and we're the sky above em

Say the word and You know I got 100 on the tank

Just a 8hr drive on cruise control babe

And when I get in town, you know how we behave

That New Rice Crispy

We Snap Crackle n BANG

Bright Colors like Fireworks

And you touchin all my buttons tryna see how my fire works

Young Tom can Flame-On but only for you bay

You know we bring up the Sun when the moons out bay

I love you more and more with each given day

Even if you are 100miles away

I pray I can make it back to you some day

But until then I guess you'll have to stay...

My Distant Lover...

Archives: For Her

I sit down to write her poem 
but don't know where to start
Should I talk about her thieven ass
stealin my heart?
Or how she's my sunshine
even when life gets dark?
Nah man that ain't smart
I gotta reach in and pull
This straight out of my heart
Spray some "Love Juice" on it
Sprinkle Affection everywhere
Tell her about how I just wanna chill
and play in her hair
or just sit and into each other's
eyes we'd stare
"You been to Cloud 9?
Cuz Shawty I'll take you there
I call it my home because
you always send me there"
yea, use somethin like that
in the middle somewhere
but i still can't start. 
She got the key to my heart
without her its locked forever
no matter the weather
She always keep me under her umbrella
and I love it... THAT'S IT!!
now baby I can start it for you
the first line of my poem will say
I Love You

Archives: Heart Renovation

Inside the darkest, dampest, and coldest of surfaces you place yourself
Swimming and basking in my rudeness and Asshole-ish ways
Cringing at every impolite gesture and knowing better of me
You halt your strokes and look around, noticing the dust and cobwebs
The large door to the room’s exit nearly falling off of its hinges
Yet you smile, even wink an eye, because you’ve already started your mission
Slowly but surely the room brightens and becomes more lively
I’m holding more doors for the elderly and picking up the trays of ALL girls
And not just the cute ones who are done eating
There are no more Cobwebs, the Dust is all gone
The Hinges are fixed and the Door is standing as strong as ever
But there is still something missing
I’m actually smiling from ear to ear, but there is still no glow in my eye
You plop down on a couch next to one of my major arteries and 
Gaze out a window that overlooks my Liver and Lungs
You notice that my breathing pattern changes whenever you come around
I'm calmer, smoother, more collected than ever, and it hits you
Slowly you glide up to me, gracefully, like the angel that you are
And you whisper a sweet message in my ear that seals the deal
You realized the missing twinkle in my eye wasn’t that I needed a new heart
Your message was “I’m Yours…” because I needed you

Archives: Summer Rain

Complete silence covers the scene 
Minus pitter patter against the windshield
It’s a smooth, subtle drizzle. One of those "Quiet Storms" 
We lay in our separate seats, hers being the passenger,
Hand in hand gazing at the sun roof
The sky is a light gray shade with random splotches of white
I whisper in her ear and she nods in agreement
Putting the car on standby so the slow jams can keep the mood
We climb into the backseat, but me and my girl on a chill groove
I lean back against the door and she lays in my lap, head on my chest
We sit glaring out the window thinking of infinite tomorrows
Reminiscing on the day and laughing away all our sorrows
This love right here? One I'll never forget
She loves me for who I was, who I am, as well as who I'll become
And I need her love like vampires need to hide from the sun
But we need no reminders of our compatibleness, so we rest
My arms gently wrapped around her, I feel her fall asleep
Our breathing in sync, but I don't need a boy band to sing of her love
In her ear I whisper the lyrics to "All my life" by KayCee and Jo Jo
Just to put a smile on her face, simply because she knows I mean every word
In her angelic voice she whispers back "I love you too baby"
Both smiling and filled with love from each others presence
We sit back and chill, listening to the pitter patter of the Summer Rain...

Archives: Gone...

So we've had our sighs
I miss you's and Good-byes
But I don't know if I’ll be back this time
Im cleanin up my act, yea I'm movin out
Leavin this state for school down south
And you'll still be here wanderin around
Thinkin if I’m thinkin about you this round
You know you miss me, act like its all goody
Caught you huggin ya self, curled up in my hoodie
Its koo baby girl, hit me up with a text
You happy I’m a guy thas not just here for the sex
Take you out for ya bday, bought our "Son"
Yea it was a teddy bear but it’s all in fun
You betta hug that badboy til the stuffing's gone
Even if you refill it, I’ll still be gone
Come see me if you want, the drive aint that long
Missin them "TaCo-Flavored Kisses" will keep you goin
Call me if you bored, we can talk on the phone
Laugh all night, til Sun-Up in the Morn
Maybe even Video chat if it’s worth your while
You know I'd do anything to see that beautiful smile
Invited you to the Pool Party to get your last glance
Looked out for you, even saved you the last dance
You wouldn't come cuz ur studyin? Missed my invite by chance?
Nah you showed up in the dope bikini showin off ya tats
Yea you'sa bad chick, I gotta give you that
But gimme some time and I'll make a comeback 
Look baby Ima save you time and cut the chitter chat
This time I'm goin and I’m prolly not comin back... 

Archives: Love Is

Love is what it is 
Nothing More, Nothing Less 
We all secretly want it, once we get it we're blessed 
Nonetheless, Its an amazing gift from GOD 
To have someone that's the other pea in ur pod 
Or to kick back with and gaze at the stars 
Or to tell your life story to and show off your scars 
They are your treasure, they hold the key to your Soul 
Without them, you'd have, in your chest a gaping hole 
So in a sense they complete you 
It is now about more than just YOU 
Your a part of a bigger picture 
They're the reason you smile in every picture 
You daydream about them in the morn 
Until you sleep and dream of them once more 
You want this feeling to last forever 
Simply because you've never felt this way before 
And you will, I garauntee you will, How do I Know? 
Because they feel the same way, Dont think so? 
Probably because you dont feel that kiss as u sleep at night 
Or acknowledge that caressing touch as they hold you tight 
Your not around when they brag of you to friends 
Or notice when Money's slid into your pocket to help meet ends 
They're offering you their heart, all you have to do is accept 
And in Love's Arms you forever will be kept